the hardest thing to do, is letting it out. telling people how you feel. so i dont. i keep it in. always keeeping my feelings at the very bottom of the crevass that is my soul. and my god, that hurts more then everything put together. knowing that you will die with the pain that has always been there. and that no one else will know how you have suffered. that is why i need to escape. this city has kept me down to long. i dont know why i feel this but, if i get away from it all maybe it will leave. maybe the stupid creature thats always in the back of my head, always telling me how im the outsider, how i dont fit in, how i am completely unloved, will be banished from my sick and stupid mind forever. but maybe that creature isn't the thing that has gotten in, maybe i am the creature. those dark thoughts are mine. i am the sick minded soul, with no hope for love or happiness. maybe i really am unloveable. maybe all those times people have told me they love me, told me i am pretty and smart and kind were just ways they could get rid of me. just ways they could get me to leave. they dont want me here. no one wants me here. no one. but thats ok. i dont mind. i will write to keep the beast at bay. write away the creature that has kept me down for so long. and maybe some day some stupid beautiful amazing person will follow this page. and i will feel like my words aren't as unworthy as they are now. because some day, i will rule my own world, i will do as i please. i will eat icecream for dinner and have chocolate for breakfast. but untill then i am alone. i will search every dark corner i have. i will awaken surpressed memories so i know who i really am. i will ask people how they truly feel about me, and not their sick stupid lies. i neeed truth. i live on truth. that is what keeeps me going. what keeps me writing and laughing, my hollow laugh. i know how hard it is to hear truth on this lonely planet, because the world was built on lies.
