oh dear lord, she was so insanely beautiful. i am totally and completely in love with her.

that feeling when you loose something that was never yours, but you somehow feel free. It hurts, but sort of like that hurt when you have a bite and you scratch untill your skin goes red, untill it burns and bleeds. but it feels so much better then when it was left aching. That's what you were. A scratch that needed scratching. I miss you. No, scartch that. I miss the idea of you. I don't think i ever wanted you. I just never had anything, anyone that fell for me. I liked the feeling. To much i think.

This has to be one of the truest phrases i have ever heard. i just dont think i can do this any longer.

So i turn my head to the north, swallow that pill that they call pride.

i have to meet him. i dont want to, i have to. really i do.

runaway as fast as you can.

she just doesn't treat you right.

no one has ever called me beautiful. no wonder i can't trust you. i know what i want. i have always known what i wanted. i think i just wished, deep down, you would know as well. because that would mean i wouldn't have to be alone anymore. is that to much to ask for?

thoughts read unspoken, forever and now.
the pieces of memories fall to the ground.
i know what i did and how so, i wont let this go.
'cause its true. i am nothing without you.

i hate how you have so much control over me. i would do anything you asked me to do. just because you are you. and that scares me. how can i be me when i am so obsessive over you.

i truely cant go to school. they cant make me. it will break everything thats perfect. it will ruin all the happy thoughts and dreams. it will ruin me. that just cant happen anymore. i need to be strong. i need to be strong for my little brother. and for my family thats falling apart. because i love them. no matter how much they break my heart they are here for me. i can never repay them properly for that.

im happy. then i am sad. then i am happy. then im sad. and i never understand if this is who i really am.. or its who im pretending to be.i wissssshh i could move. i dont think i have ever wanted anything more.

how did we get here? i used to know you so well.