I wish everything would blur. I wish i could forget, even for just a moment. I wish my whole life changed. It already has. So much. Too much. I thought i wanted change before, and then i got it and wanted everything the same as before. But life isn't like that. Shit happens, and it kills. I physically hurts people. People don't hurt themselves. I think about suicide. I used to think it was evil, horrible and wrong. Now i understand. It's because people can't escape. You can't move away from this. You can't ignore it. It pulls you in. It's ruthless. It doesn't care who it hurts along the way, as long as it hurts you in the end. And no matter what happens, if you keep strong or you kill yourself, it hurts through it all. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont know what to say, or who to tell, or how to cry or how to scream.